; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
