I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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