I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
