I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
