tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize