What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So vagazzling was a success
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
