so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
