Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
