Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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