new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize