Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
