i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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