using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize