Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
