Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
