Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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