you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
