her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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