She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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