he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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