You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
