It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
