I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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