..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
