??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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