Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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