this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
