Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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