you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
