I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
