# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
