How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
