i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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