her vagine was all disorganized.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
