i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod