Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i don't like sucking hair
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
