You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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