Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
