you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
