My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
