Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize