i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
