Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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