Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
