oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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