yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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