I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
