I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
