the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
