I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
