I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
