When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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