just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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