we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
