so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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