Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The Olympian is in my bed
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
