i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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