Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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