am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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