I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
