Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
