It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if only i could text you this smell
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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